Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
