I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
