she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
