proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
