Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
