I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
