I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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