Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
