don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
