did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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