Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
