Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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