I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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