i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
