That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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