apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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