I faked an abortion last night.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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