I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
