meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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