Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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