So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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