I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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