His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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