is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
