I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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