Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
