every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
