Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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