i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
