I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
