I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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