At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
