just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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