Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
