I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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