the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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