were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
