do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
