Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
