EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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