Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
