Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
