4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
