i barfeds in our rink
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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