I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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