Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
