I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
