i would punch a child for taco bell
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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