Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
