i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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