Your face is a jimmy john
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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