There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
